


Promises to the Dead

by 2rus



Category: 2P Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, do not read if you have issues with certain blond over joyful character dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 13:36:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2rus/pseuds/2rus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew regrets being alive <br/>He also regrets having those thoughts <br/>But what he regrets the most is not being able to finish what he should have.<br/>Post-Apocalypse AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises to the Dead

**Author's Note:**

> This is my RVP exchange for xxtwistedeverafterxx! 
> 
> hahaha I really hope you like it QuQ
> 
> Special thank you to my friend Claire for editing more than half of it and making it a better work than it was!

A slow, lazy breeze had been blowing from the south for a few days now, it was as if the world had given way to stillness after all that it has been through. Guess that's what one expects after such horrible catastrophe... The end of the world doesn't happen very often. From the rooftops one could see up to the foot of the giant walls that surrounded the safe heaven, soldiers guarded every exit and hole. It made you feel like the one trapped, the one that needed to be quarantined away from the world because you were a damnation, an anomaly, when really it was the other way around. Beyond the walls lies a city, one of the great North American cities that people had come to appreciate and love. Now it was reduced to a pile of clumped dirt, broken streets, overflowing rivers, and crumbling buildings. What most affected one’s mentality was the silence, the absolute stillness and quietness of a once big city, something that no one ever dreamed of having to deal with. To the non-natives it was normal, having such silence, but to those who knew and loved the very streets they saw every day, the loneliness was heart aching. It was almost destructive to the very small portion of sanity left after watching hundreds and hundreds of people - neighbors, friends and family - die right in front of their very eyes.

The young blond male casted his eyes down, sucking in shallow breaths as memories resurfaced into his mind that swallowed him in despair and solitude. A big and gaping wound left by the atrocities he witnessed, as well as the things he'd done in order to survive - to continue living as he'd promise. Closing his eyes, he willed his breathing to return to normal once again, his heartbeat slowing to a point where he allowed himself to open them again and gaze at the giant sleeping city. Mind determinedly set into staring at it, because this was his punishment for being the only one to survive, it was only right for him to see what living brought to him. Solitude, grieving, and pain, lots of pain. A loud creak of the exit door startled him out of his thoughts, after all, not many came to this exact rooftop. There were too many weak spots, and there was the horrible view waiting them once they looked up. Nevertheless, light footsteps made their way to where he stood and stopped just a few meters away from him. They were obviously not there for the view.

“Matthew, it's been a while. How have you been holding up?” The gruff voice of a man filled the depressing silence that had been consuming the young blond, an alarm of recognition going off as he suddenly knew who exactly was there with him. It was an old man, a merchant from the black markets of the Safe Heaven, and who was also one of the few natives of the dormant city who were able to survive the catastrophe. Ever since they arrived, the old man had been taking care of him, making sure he had enough food from the rations or that he had not done something stupid after various weeks without a word or glance of him. It was annoying, really, but Matthew couldn't complain, he knew what had happen to the man's family. They both had lost loved ones and in a way found company in each other, grieving bodies perhaps, but Matthew knew better, the look on the old man's eyes spoke of feelings that he'd shut himself away from. He promised to never get attached to someone because they would end up dead, and he already lost so many and was not willing to lose more.

Matthew replied with a single shrug of the shoulders and silence, as his responses always were. It was a normal thing though, he had been keeping his distance from anybody he met. There was silence then, not terribly awkward, but just understanding and resigned. It was an appreciated silence that Matthew was more than comfortable with because it meant attachment, it meant sanity.

“Anyway kid, I've been sent here by Louis. He says he has a job for you and needs you to come and agree to it. A smuggling job and pick-up and since you usually don't attend the meetings, he said to just go ahead and meet with your partner at the West end exit.” It was a short and brief explanation, something they were both used to now, after all, there was no time to be wasted in this world. Life was surprisingly short and things needed to get done fast. 

Matthew narrowed his eyes as he listened to the message, mind whirling around the idea of declining the mission and just letting his poor bastard partner do double the amount of work since going outside meant breaking the promise, because it meant death for anyone.

Apparently his plans had been noticed.

“Look Matthew, I know it’s not an easy job, but it is something and I am sick and tired of watching you stand here looking at that city all the time. Staring obsessively won’t do much except drive you insane.” He paused and swallowed, “...they're gone but you're still here, so you have to keep on living and get your payment,” he lectured. Not surprisingly, it was a speech Matthew had heard before and it was only given to him when he seemed to be on the brink of depression. Was he really that easy to read?

“You talk too much old man... I'm going, so don't get too worked up about it,” he accepted reluctantly, mostly to get him off his back. It was also an opportunity to have a change of surroundings, decrepit buildings and times of the military tugged at the back of his mind and one of these days he swore he was going to completely lose it. The old man muttered something incomprehensible before stepping closer and patting Matthew's shoulder. He then left, leaving the door wide open and Matthew to gaze at the slumbering city. A slow, wide smile appeared on his features making him look like a mad man. 

With the crooked smile still in place, he turned swiftly on his heels, his shoulders relaxing as his hand softly pulled the door closed behind him.

It was show time.   
\----

The West-end exit was located a few blocks away from the building Matthew usually occupied. The humid mid-summer hair felt stronger in this location due to the close proximity of the lake in which Safe Haven had been built around. Carelessly, Matthew entered the rendezvous point, his feet taking him through familiar halls and down tunnels where the operation center was located along with his belongings. Humming to himself, he readied his backpack and headed to the exit, where he assumed his partner would be waiting with the cargo and an irritated expression. And as always, Matthew was not disappointed.

Matt was a big and intimidating guy, who as he'd heard, he was the only person alive that could bring out an expression of any sort from that uncaring, stoic asshole. Matt grunted out a greeting and nodded towards the cargo, a pair of ex-prisoners if their ratty clothes were anything to go by. Nodding to himself, Matthew turned to Matt and gave him a friendly grin, his eyes searching for an expression but getting nothing in return. How annoying.

“Hm, expressive as ever dearest Matt,” he commented lightly.

“Could say the same thing,” Matt responded, which was good enough for the slightly shorter man. Nodding, he motioned for the two ex-prisoners to follow them as they set off on their little adventure. 

Due to the proximity of Safe Heaven to the nearest park, it was very easy for them to conceal themselves, even in broad daylight. The soldiers on guard were more scared of the park, afraid that the infected lay hidden within it, but after many years of venturing through the same exit, Matt and Matthew were used to its overall vibe. What made them feel a little more comfortable was the amount of noise within the park. Lots of birds and small wild animals lived inside and it gave both men the comfort of sound and the buzzing of life that they so dearly missed. The journey went smoothly, their goal was to reach the Parliament building by nightfall and deliver their prisoners before heading to the East-end of the city in order to obtain the second half of their mission. After the exchange was done and the clients were gone, Matt and Matthew fell into a relaxed and mutual silence that they shared with one another. They decided to stay in the building for the night, making sure to lock the doors and deeming the shared room safe for their stay, but as usual, sleep eluded both men and they were left to stare at the darkness that was only chased away by the flickering fire and the natural light coming from the chipped windows.

“God, I hate that, do you hear it?” Matt broke the silence a few minutes into their sleepless rest, something the other didn’t usually do unless absolutely necessary, but here he was and Matthew wasn't about to let an opportunity like that go.

“Hear what? All I hear is silence all around,” he replied, frowning at the unusual question, because he seriously couldn't hear a thing. He sincerely hoped it wasn't moaning because he hated that sound. It sent chills throughout his body and rendered him useless in the dark; it reminded him of events long past, but to him they were still fresh and raw.

“Exactly. All there is around us is quietness and stillness. I hate it. We used to be big and strong - the top of the food chain! And now...” he fumbled with his words and shifted, “and now we're nothing but food stored behind walls....I hate it.” 

Ah, so that's what he’s talking about. Matthew sighed and turned to look at Matt, his violet eyes taking in the shadowed figure at the other side of the fire.

“We can't help it,” Matthew began, “all that’s left is to survive. To persist and win against them... against the infected out there, which almost the entire world population.” His gaze flicked to the fire then quickly back up to Matt, “but I agree with you, this damning silence is the most despicable thing ever and to think that we once yearned for it is...” Matthew abruptly stopped talking because he remembered. He recalled the days of waiting for the noises to end, for the sirens to stop, and for everything to come to a standstill...for just a few moments of peace. He guessed he got what he wished for, but is this alternative any better? The bitterness leaves a familiar ache in his chest.

“I guess you’re right,” Matt sighed, “anyway, let’s sleep, we need the energy for tomorrow’s travel,” and with that the bigger man turned his back on him and it was enough to let Matthew know that the conversation was over. However, it didn’t mean that sleep would be his escape. He quietly stood and made his way to one of the broken windows, his eyes scanning the streets. He observes the derailed tracks of the old street car, the overturned cars, and old abandoned buildings whose structures and parking lots were overrun by weeds and shrubs. He surveyed the damage and took in how much 13 years can change a place, deeming it unrecognizable but in his case uninhabitable. He couldn’t imagine anyone living here now. 

He took a seat near the window, drawing his knees closer to his body and his arms wrapping around them as a form of comfort. His chin rested atop against his knees and his stare never left the silhouetted city. It was around ten at night and usually the city would be light up with lights and overflowing with people, but now? It seemed like a distant memory, an illusion of what was but will never be. It was times like these, at night, that Matthew would let himself feel the stagnant air of the world around him, to let it engulf him and slowly kill him from the inside, because no matter how hard he tried to keep the negative thoughts at bay the harsh, cold truth was that he couldn’t allowed himself to be happy. Not with all the horrors he had seen, the acts he had committed, and all the lives he had lost.   
\------

Once morning arrived, Matthew woke up to beaming rays of sunlight streaming in from the window he’d fallen asleep by. Slowly, he stretched his ligaments and twisted his neck to get the stiffness out of it, his eyes refusing to open and greet the new day, but knowing he had to face it soon enough. After a few minutes of lazy stretching, he finally opened his eyes to look at the outside world. The young blond lifted himself off his position and made his way back to their supposedly resting spot only to find his sleeping bag rolled up and a can of beans waiting on top of it. Looking towards the other, he noticed that he too was busy with a similar kind of meal. Not thinking of it too much, Matthew picked up the can and started eating, after all, someone had to make sure he ate something at some point in his life and since the old man was not around to nag at him, Matt would do. As usual, the tasteless flavour of canned food along with the acidic aftertaste settled in his tongue. His stomach felt like it was flipping itself inside out, but Matthew willed it to stop its anxious undulations, there was nothing else to do but to suck it up and keep on eating the stuff if he wanted to survive.   
“If you’re not going to finish eating then hand it over, I’m not about to waste food because of you,” his partner finally responded, his hand extended towards him patiently waiting for Matthew to push it over. Fighting a losing battle with his stomach, he handed it over without a word; if Matt knew something, it was how to read his every move so it was no surprise that Matthew didn’t have the appetite to eat much, he never did during missions. 

Matthew didn’t receive much rest the night prior, even if it was more than his usual standard. He still felt the familiar heaviness of his eyelids and the grogginess that came from a restless night, yet he couldn’t complain since it was his own active mind that kept him awake during late hours unable to obtain some sort of peace. In all honesty, it only brought memories and pain. The things he was running away from. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Matthew set off to pack his things, making sure his gun was loaded and scavenging the room in hopes of finding useful items for along the way. Small things that kept the hands busy as well as the mind, he could use such distractions. 

“Hey, princess, stop roaming around and come, we got to get to East-end by this afternoon and we’re not wasting more time here,” Matt announced while swinging his backpack on to his shoulder. “Now listen, Louis informed me that the quickest and safest bet is going through the Exists Paths and moving south from there, you know the old 32 route towards the east?”

Matthew nodded hesitantly, his legs carrying him toward Matt before they came to a complete stop, his face contorting in a mixture of confusion and anger. The route he was describing meant death for all who dared cross it. The last smuggler to try and use that path never returned home. 

With a glowering anger, the smaller blond stepped up to the other and stated his thoughts, a sort of hysterical and mad tone to his words, but still, he made sure to get his point across. He had promised to stay alive, and while his current lifestyle did not promise security all the time, he had done all he could to act as safe as possible to himself and his partners. Anger soon gave way to panic, his arms trembling uncontrollably at the idea of having to deal with the journey and the obstacles it possessed. The very beings he despised and feared the most, the Infected; if there was anything he feared most it was to die because at their hands. It was not just the thought of being eaten alive, but the thought of not being eaten, to be left to cruel fate and eventually turning into one of them. A strange mix of a whimper and sob came out of Matthew before he could stop himself. Dark memories of times passed resurfaced, the screams and cries of help, children running from their own parents, the shootings and bombings all echoed within his mind. It was all too much, too cruel and all too sudden. Matthew felt like he was drowning, his throat closing around the shrieks of help and pain, pushing him down to his knees and swallowing what little glimpse of reality he had at his grasp.

But he was not alone, no, it was not just Matthew and the rooftop anymore. It was everything and everyone. The suffocating silence that no one could escape, the shared suffering between companions, and the guilt, oh the guilt that hungirly fed on their losses. It was all too much. Large arms wrapped around his torso, lifting him up and carrying him out into the deserted city as if were nothing but a bag, he might as well have been that. Matthew didn’t knew how much time passed, but when he finally came to his senses, he was still on Matt’s shoulder and they were in the midst of walking through what used to be a residential area. For a long time, Matthew didn’t speak nor made an attempt to let the other know he was back to normal, instead, he scanned the houses to the side. His violet eyes noticing the familiar doors and cars that he’d seen. Suddenly, the thought of being in his old neighborhood startled him and ripped out another strangled sound from his throat, but before he could lose himself to his memories again he felt himself being lifted off from the shoulder and put down. Dark blue eyes catching his in an attempt to calm down the new wave of emotions threatening to spill over and push him to his breaking point.

“Matthew, listen to me carefully, we’re not there. We were never there nor we are close to there. This is close to the Exists Path. This is here and now, look at me Matthew,” a calm yet strong voice broke through his trance. Slowly, Matthew came back to his senses, violet eyes locking with blue and his breath, which had been quick and shallow, returned to its normal steadiness. 

After a few minutes of trying to calm down, Matthew nodded, his eyes casting down to the ground as he allowed the other to continue leading them toward their path, because out of the two, Matt was much better at directions and keeping his cool. As time passed, Matthew found himself regaining his usual energy, his steps becoming stronger by the minute and his eyes finally looking forward as if nothing had happened. 

And as long as both of them were concerned, nothing did happen. All business as usual.  
\--------

The Exists Path was an area that once was known to be overrun by the Infected. To those who were natives, it was also known as “no-man’s land”. Matthew and Matt were very familiar with the area, having to go through it when all went to hell and even before then when Matthew had a part-time job at the old bookstore. It had been a while since his last visit, in fear of finding himself surrounded by the Infected, but according to Matt, it was safe to walk through it now and Matthew knew to trust Matt and his instincts. As usual, trusting him was the right choice. When they reached the clearing, the two of them came upon paths that were overrun with trees and shrubs. Smaller animals roamed around the small forest floor. Wild flowers and weeds sprung up haphazardly from the cracks and crevices formed in the streets. For all they knew, they had reached a little safe haven of their own.

The intake of clean air was instant, their eyes closing in pure satisfaction as the familiar scents reached their noses and reminded them of what they could call home. “Ah, fresh air, nothing like it when you’re risking your neck for a low paying son of a bitch,” Matt said after a few minutes and right on cue, a slowly growing grin settled on Matthew’s features which made the other give a small smile of his own. There was no doubt then that the area had been cleared of the Infected that once inhabited the place. They allowed themselves a few minutes of respite before they set off once again. Their shoulders relaxing as nature surrounded the two sheltering them from the outside world. Matthew allowed a relaxed smile to overtake his features and memories of happier times resurfaced within. It was times like this in which he would feel like his old self, the old Canadian that had no cares in the world and was fulled of expectations and dreams. As he let himself get more comfortable, he also let his old habits start to show, this included talking and joking around, which Matt seemed to be annoyed with but not as much as to stop him from doing it. It was moments like these that ate away at him in the end, because once everything was over he would swallow in his world and question himself as to why he indulged in such things, why couldn’t he keep quiet and avoid further interaction with the other? It was a slow-growing bond that sooner or later will cost him big time. It didn’t really matter at the end, because he would find himself in the same situation over and over again.

They walked for a few hours until the need to rest became too great, thus deciding to stop and have their lunch. Another round of quietness surrounded them, but this one more comfortable and easy that spoke of rest and bonding rather than fear and pain. They didn’t continue their conversation, but instead observed the nature around them. Matthew noted familiar birds, squirrels, and rodents that usually inhabited the outskirts of the city. Guess it was their turn to reclaim what was once theirs. Matthew smiled up at the ceiling of fluttering leaves, his eyes shutting closed as he let nature lull him into a light slumber. The cool breeze ruffled his hair, moved the branches up above and cooled his skin with such grace, such finesse. A few moments later, soft touches up his arm alarmed him of someone too close to his personal space, but somehow not quite alarmed enough to move away, maybe it was the fact that he knew the person touching him was Matt. It didn’t matter as he let him do what he wanted as long as he was allowed to rest and for a moment, a very fleeting and small moment, he wished he could stay like this, under the protective layers of the forest with the closest thing to a friend he has, forever.  
\---

They set off once again, their steps a lot stronger and faster with newly replenished energy. Their hands swung a few centimeter away from each other and soft laughter came out of both of them as they continued to tell old corny jokes to each other. All of it to help pass the time as they drew closer to a land known to be wild, hectic, and deathly. Regardless of the dangers ahead, they continued on and soon enough reached their destination which was surprisingly quiet. It was to be expected, no one had bothered to use this route in a few years. Quietly, the two men sneaked through the giant crossroad, their guns drawn as they tried their best to keep a look out and also pass through without being detected. Beyond the street was what seemed to be a natural barricade, but in reality was a man made one that the military had tried to use in order to keep the infected contained to just the western part of the city. Of course, it soon failed and was left for nature to take over, just like everything else. The barricades did help though, after many attempts of debugging the city from the Infected, they had grown into bigger piles of dirt and soon became their own wall which made most of the east end a little Safe Heaven of its own, if it wasn’t for the constant fighting among its inhabitants and the occasional outbreak of Infected. 

Once they reached the other half of the street, they began their search for the newest entrance. Their journey took them inside abandoned buildings and had them jumping on rooftops in order to obtain entrance. It wasn’t long before they finally found it. They both provided their smuggler identification patches in order to enter the side of the city. Now the easier part began, since it required obtaining a functional vehicle and making their way to the meeting point with their usual client. Now in the safe zone, they both allowed themselves to catch their breath before trying to hotwire one of the old cars to work for them. This was where Matt’s knowledge of cars came in handy and the fact that he had a history of breaking into cars was just a giant plus for them. Soon, they were well on their way to the designated meeting point and Matthew kept himself busy by checking the interior of the car. 

“I’m very sorry for all the trouble I made you go through,” Matthew began, breaking the silence that surround them since the beginning of their ride. 

“You have no need to apologize, just tell me if you’re doing okay now?” His partner replied, the familiar deep voice resonated within the thin walls of the car and informed Matthew of a hidden undertone of worry for him. Silly enough, it made the blond smile a little and quickly nod at the question. “That’s good,” Matt stated, his eyes never leaving the road, but the other could see the corner of his lips tugging into a small smile that was never seen on the other and for another crazy moment he wished he could keep that smile there just a little longer. 

The rest of the ride was spent in quiet, meaningless conversations, going from old memories of the roads traveled to the food they missed the most. Surprisingly, it didn’t bring up any triggering memories for the shorter man and they were both content to have that moment of tranquility in their life. It was already dark when they finally reached the meeting place. The client had been waiting for a while now, but greeted them with enthusiasm as usual. It was a strange man with red eyes and white hair who seemed to love the night and making deals with their boss.

“Matthew! Matt! How good it is to see you! I’m hoping things went smoothly in your trip?” the white haired man, known as Gilbert to many, greeted them before shaking both of their hands and getting down to business. It was quite simple, their job was to pick up and deliver. In this case it meant delivering the guns in order to get the drugs. They were invited to stay the night with them, but having their package in hand, they were more than anxious to get home, after all, the easiest way to re-enter Safe Heaven was during the night patrols. Bidding their goodbyes, they climbed back into their car and continued their journey, this time knowing full well that all that was left to do was arrive home safely. 

“I was thinking…maybe once we get home you would like to hang out sometime?” Matthew had been startled by the question, his head lifting from the window and turning to look at the other and examine his face in order to know exactly where he was going with the proposition because they both knew what hanging out meant. Although, considering the many times they had spoken, they had helped each other through rough times and even save each other’s neck, Matthew was not completely sure that they knew where the boundary of simple partnership and friendship laid. 

It was an unthinkable thing, to have someone to care for, to worry for… it was the very thing he ran away from within the city only to to find it waiting for him outside it whenever he had a job to do. 

“That sounds like… a very good idea, Matt.” He found himself responding hesitantly yet also a tad bit relieved, but would probably regret feeling later on. For a brief moment, their eyes locked with a sort of happiness between them before they were broken from their trance by the unmistakable sound of another car following them. Alarms suddenly rang off inside Matthew’s head and he knew that it was not going to be a smooth ride. Without hesitation, Matt threw the car into evasive mode, their speed increasing as they approached the barricade. Without needing to speak it out loud, they agreed on their plan and soon the car skidded to a stop at the nearest entrance of the old Subway. Matt quickly pressed down on the car horn, the loud noise attracting the Infected to their location and also their pursuers. Within seconds they clambered their way out of the car and ran inside the old Subway hiding behind a vending machine and a wall as they observed various Infecteds running towards the sound hungry for a meal. 

As both men watched and waited, they huddled closer almost to the point in which Matthew was well underneath Matt’s body and their breaths mingled together until things settled outside. Once the noise died down, they quickly set off to work, locking the entrance as quietly as possible and making their way to an underground passage that would serve as an alternate route into the city. 

They did not speak to one another other during the trek below, their slow steps echoed off the walls of the underground tunnel but not enough to attract any unwanted attention. Before reaching the next platform, they decided to return to the surface half-way, finding it a lot more secure for their trip home. Without a minute to waste, they began their journey home with their feet never stopping to take a break and their eyes never losing sight of what was to come next. 

As dawn approached, Matthew began to take notice of his surroundings, or whatever he could at least see in the soft light. It never did register in his mind that the location in which they were felt too familiar or that it became easier to jump from rooftop to rooftop as time went on, before his consciousness identified it though, his subconscious was already preparing him, locking his limbs in place as he lastly landed on an all too familiar rooftop and his body began to shake. As the morning light made things clearer, the more Matthew found himself shaking at the subtle recognition of things surrounding him. From the broken fan on the rooftop to his left, the unclosed exit door and the unmistakable view of the neighborhood. A soft thud came from somewhere beneath his feet, a few seconds later he recognized that sound came from him because he couldn’t stand, he couldn’t support himself anymore, because it was the place he promised to never cross again... Firm arms wrapped around his torso pulling him closer to a familiar warmth ... a sort of comfort that helped calm him some what. His violet eyes scanned the surrounding area, noticing how nothing had changed in the deserted city and finally landing on the door he’d barely glanced at before, but what caught his attention the most was the faded blue fabric poking from just the side of the wall and before he knew it, he was back at his nightmares, but this time he couldn’t wake up, because they were standing just a few feet away.  
Small whimpers began to come out of the blond, his violet eyes submerged in the dark world of despair and guilt. And as Matthew sank lower into that world, Matt became more aware of the surroundings as well and he also knew that it was the worst place to have come into the light in, silently, the taller of the two tried to will the other into walking towards the next roof, away from the haunting memories and guilt that Matt knew so well to surround and suffocate you in the worst possible ways. But the more he tried, the more he knew he had to end this, not only for the sake of their physical lives, but for Matthew’s mental sake. Without a second thought, Matt stood up and drew his gun, his eyes fixed in the point where the other had been staring at a few minutes ago, waiting for the now noticeable shuffling to come round and try to attack them, because if one thing he was sure of, it was that he would end it for him. 

The world became still for Matthew, the sound of his own pulse overtaking anything else, and the view of the high walls of Safe Heaven the only thing within his gaze; a soft breeze running through the quiet city reminded him of the season, it was summer and it was a beautiful day, a day in which, in his past life, he would have been preparing to take a long visit to the lake shore with a few friends and his brother. The dawn sky slowly colored the buildings surrounding him with their old greyish, red and browns; old signs of fast food restaurants worn down by time and explosions began to appear and add yet another image to the path between safety and destruction. It almost gave the feeling of everything being back to normal and soon he would hear the unmistakable sound of cars passing by…. he was at the rooftop waiting for the day to began, just like he used to with his brothers and family. Another normal day begins. 

Memories began to resurface and run through his mind, nipping at his heart and reminding him of just how alone he was in the world and the truth of that statement made him sink below the surface and begin to drown, just like every waking moment of his existence, he was bound to never resurface. It felt like seconds later that he had a strong hand grasping his shoulder and pushing him to his feet, quickly guiding him through different routes and bringing the ever so beautiful walls closer to him. It wasn’t until Matthew turned his head back that he noticed a shadowy figure standing at the edge of the building, noticeable bright smile and blue eyes locking with his. The imagine caused a wave of emotions to travel through his body and make him blurt out a mix of a hiccup and a pained scream, arms reaching for the fading image of the one person he missed the most, causing utmost trouble for the person carrying him. But the figure in the rooftop waved goodbye to him and before Matthew had time to proceed what was happening, he passed out, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, causing the other to sigh softly and press the smaller body closer to his.

\-----  
How had he ended in such nightmare? What had he done to deserve such fate, such catastrophe and such mourn? Why was he force to carry on the guilt of having lived while others kept on roaming the earth in such state of wild haze? ‘They’re not people,’ a soft voice in the back of his mind repeated for the billionth time, but it was still not enough, because as much as those people were not there anymore, the image, the memory of how they looked was still there and it only hurt more to see them still roaming around, not finding the peace they deserve, because they were good, not the best, but good and they deserved better than having to stay and destroy. Why did he end up in this nightmare alone? Why couldn’t he end the nightmare for himself? 

It was a few weeks before Matthew woke up again, his eyes opening up to an unknown apartment, but it made no urge to him to stand up or do anything about it. Once again there was silence all around him, an unknow sort of feeling yet it felt calming, it felt right. Minutes passed and it wasn’t until a full hour had passed that Matthew decided to investigate where exactly he was at, slowly, he walked through the room and towards the hall, his hand keeping to the wall in fear of falling or an irrational fear of things disappearing around him. It wasn’t until he reached the kitchen and the smell of food surrounded him that he knew where he was. 

“Well good morning sleeping beauty, finally decided to wake up, eh?” Matt greeted him, a soft smile gracing his lips as he continued to cook what Matthew guessed was lunch. Without saying a word, he took a seat on the table, his eyes downcast as he let no memory or thought cross his mind. A few minutes later a small white plate was placed in front of him along with a fork and a glass of water, the blond dare looked up at the other for a few seconds, but saw nothing that said that he should eat, but he didn’t really had to think about whether not eating was an option anymore as his stomach protested for food. The echoing sounds of forks meeting plates and glasses being placed in the wooden table were the sounds that most resonated around the small room, the silence being both comfortable and safety for the two since they didn’t have a clue of what to talk after all that had happen. Yet, once they were done and the both took their stuff back into the kitchen in order to clean, Matthew found himself standing a few feet away from his partner holding on to a glass and with an uneasy feeling forming in his gut as he allowed himself to remember in more detail the events that went down in that last hour of their mission. 

“My brother was there was he not?” The question left him before he could stop himself, his face blank from showing any emotion and his gaze not leaving the glass he’d been drying for more than enough time. Instead of an answer though, he had big, rough yet strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer to them and a warmth like feeling spreading through his very being and without much thought, he released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. It was enough to tell him what he wanted and although heartbreaking, he couldn’t help but feel the relief of knowing the answer and so like that, the tears begin to flow, small whimpers enclosing in the small space and dishes forgotten as the other turned him around in order for Matthew to be able to hold on to the one person who he consider his anchor to reality. His head burying in the other;s chest and faintly registering the familiar scent of wood and musk, a scent that only Matt could have and bring to him when he most needed.

Alfred was dead, along with his little brother and father. They were finally gone and Matthew could finally let it out, let it go and begin to feel the relief of at least knowing they were no longer suffering through the hell he was too weak to get them out of. The days kept on moving and Matthew never left the room, as the tears begin to be a phantom lament and occasional sadness over losing those who you love, he knew that maybe recovery was possible and for the first time since the whole world went to shit, he looked forward to the future. A soft knock startle him for a moment, but as he got up to open the door, he knew who would it be waiting there, because he had never been alone in his grief. He allowed himself to smile, not the forced smiles he is used to giving everyone whom he interacts with, but the one reserved for days spend under the comfort of trees and wilderness and as the other nodded and gave his own smile back, Matthew knew he will move on but not alone. And yes, maybe it would be yet another decision he would regret in the long run, but maybe it wouldn’t be, because he now knew how to deal with that hell and he would fight to protect what he loves, like he should have all those years ago.


End file.
